mindfulness · NYC Life · Spirituality · writing

Shut Up

“Today I’m going to get grounded,” I say decidedly, actually convinced I can make it happen. I get up early and elect to do a yoga video which ends up being way too advanced for me and I’m flailing about wildly, scissor-kicking my legs in the air like a drunken mule all the while repeating “I am peaceful. I am mindful. I am grounded (dammit, I just kicked the bookshelf)…Peaceful. Mindful… Sigh.

“A walk in the park shall fix this!” I say overconfidently, a little wary underneath it all that I won’t be able to salvage the day. For a minute it works. Just me and my dog Havarti in the sunshine, sucking in the sweet spring air. I take a cool photo of the trees and post it to Instagram, feeling super clever and cool like the hipster kids. Sitting on a stump in an open field, I am so acutely aware of my body and the moment that I can feel my face starting to freckle in the sunlight. I’m listening to Ingrid Michaelson through my headphones and all is well. Then I get a business-y type of call. I prattle rapidly, checking off boxes in the conversation for ten or so minutes. The hamster wheel in my mind is picking up the pace again. A man carrying a coffee dressed all in black walks through the clearing a half a football field away. I’m yammering away… “Shut up!” he yells at me from across the field. I look up, thinking I must be mistaken and there is no possible way he could be talking to me. “SHUUUUT UP!” he yells more emphatically, practically spitting the P at me so that this time I know he’s talking to me. A woman with toddler nearby him looks up in confusion. I fall dead silent, still entirely unsure if what I was experiencing was directed at me. “Shut up shut up shut up! Yes you, shut up!”  His eyes glared as he exited the field, adorned in his baggy pants, hoodie, and poor attitude.

Well then. I guess the universe is trying to tell me something. Shut up. I promptly ended my call.

Sometimes we get gentle messages, other times the messenger is a baggy, oafish meanie-man in the park who will shout it at our faces.

However your message finds to you today, I hope it finds you well. Remember to take a moment to shut up today and find stillness and true silence. Or the meanie-man will get you. Real talk.




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